We Fink You're Funny?

Date :

The first joke was sent in by John Norris from GE Healthcare:

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."
Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."
They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official; I AM the most beautiful girl in the world," Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and simply stated, "Who the hell is  Peter McKelvey?"  

The second joke selected by Roy was submitted by Barry Mills of Motorola:

Two women arrived at the gates of Heaven. St Peter asked the first one how she died and came to be here at the gates. She replied, ''Well, I froze to death actually, bit unexpected I suppose''. St Peter asked the second woman how she died. ''I jumped out of the top floor window. I was sure that I would find my husband with his mistress, so I came home unexpectedly hoping to find them together but although I searched every room in the house and every cupboard. I was so upset and angry that decided that would end it all and jump from the top floor window''.

The first woman said  '' Yes but you didn't look in the bl..dy chest freezer did you?''

Congratulations to John and Barry - a bottle of bubbly is on its way to you and thanks to Roy Cooper for judging.